it's always His glory. nothing less. nothing more.

As believers of our Jesus Christ, we tend to have the mindset that as God's children nothing will ever be unsettled in our lives and we'll never face trouble with the greatest enemy. How wrong that mindset completely is. As believers we should have the mindset that trouble will and does come our way, and that the greatest enemy is always lurking at our shoulder waiting to get his foot in our door.

As Christians, our lives are even tougher than an unbeliever's. Why? It's because the Lord abides in us and we must be accountable to Him as He is accountable to us. We have to rely on Him and not ourselves. And now we face an ongoing battle everyday with "self" and "flesh" and with the one enemy who wants nothing more than to destroy our lives. When we become children of God, Christ doesn't just redeem us and pour His grace on us, He abides in us like a lodger takes up residence in a house, and every time we do something wrong, that is harming Christ's residence. We defile His lodging. As His children, we should be blameless, holy, and righteous, and when we sin, we are trashing ourselves. I think of the passage in Matthew 21:13 "'It is written, My house shall be called a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves.'" We take up residence in His house, and cheapen it when we stray from the truth and live for self, which is so far from what a Christian is. Our walk with God is not an easy walk, but when you're walking with God, it is defeat on yourself and the enemy.

Christians have a hard time explaining pain. Sadness. Loss. Hardship. We tend to view it with hatred and rebuke. We look at Christ and feel sorry for ourselves as though He deserves us something. But the truth is, we deserve death. Hell. We should be grateful and humble to see that it is only by His supreme grace that we're alive and are His children. I don't think many Christians understand pain. In fact, it looks so unhappy, yet there is a happy in it. It's God's happy. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." - James 1:2 He isn't hurting us for the sake of hurting us, He's molding us for His good.Hebrews 12:10-11: "but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Unbelievers have the wrath of God on them, but believers have the mighty hands of God on them. He never promised us it would be easy, He just promised that He's be there. Hebrews 12:5-6 says,"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." He'll never stop molding us and using us. My opinion, there is different kinds of happy in every place our lives. It may feel like the worst thing to ever enter our lives, but there is a happy somewhere in it. The ugly always has a smiling face behind it. We tend to sit back and question God "Why, Lord?" But the answer is and always will be, it's all for His glory. Everything God does in our lives is not for our good solely, but for His glory alone. This world and our lives are not about us; it's about Him and His amazing glory and grace. The painful is all about His glory, our character and spiritual well-being, and His grace. This may seem unkind or like a ridiculous thought to hold onto, but there is happy in everything because nothing that enters our lives is by accident. It's His will and more importantly, His glory. "In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy." - 2 Corinthians 7:4

goodwill toward men...

well, i've been writing this same post since...well, about a week or so ago. and i've had to change the tenses three times. blogging...oh, blogging. why do i do this to myself? i suppose out of some mere and bizarre enjoyment.



during the christmas season, i wanted to embrace the days differently than i ever have. i was tired of the cliche. i wanted to break away from the mold that everyone around me has seemed to fill. give me something new. something real and tangible. all i wanted to see is the beauty and truth of the story in every crevice and corner, knowing it is the only thing that matters in the midst of this chaos we create for ourselves. at that time of the year, we look and ask for peace, yet, all along, peace is at our disposal and our reach. it is here all year. peace isn't something that comes once a year, and then is tossed aside once that new year enters our lives. with His peace, we face every day of our lives. i face mine. He is our peace. He is all the peace i need. that baby in the manger came not to give peace, but that He might be our peace. "peace on earth, goodwill toward men, from all heaven's gracious King..."



a christmas has come and gone, and all that is left is a memory of an assuming glorious day, an echo of angels' voices lowering their song to the king, and a hope of Who was born on such a peaceful day. what do i have to offer Him? i come with empty hands and a heavy heart filled with hope, and offer myself. i am not good, noble, or holy, but i am His, and He takes me as i am.

well, 2011...here it is. all new and ready for me to get my hands on! with every new year, comes new possibilities. i'm ready, 2011!

in one autumnal face...

my beloved season has almost arrived at its prime. autumn. the things i feel and see when i think on such a season. the loveliest colors which blend in and out through the foliage of the slowly decaying trees, the copper glow of candles in jack-Os, the beaming beauty of the late afternoon sunset, the shivers up my spine from the chill in the air, the wind that blows the strands of my hair, and the simple joy of the crunch and frost underfoot upon the dead leaves. those are some of the simplest and the loveliest beauties of autumn. what would i do without this season? i do not feel as though i am that kind of person who only delights in autumn because of any reason, but because it is a part of me. it is i in season form. perhaps because i was born into autumn. there is no such delight i feel as i feel during autumn. the weather makes my heart go pitter-patter. there is nothing so beautiful as i have seen in one autumnal face.



well, much has happened since my last post. i've seen my sweet Lord revive my heart from pain and have seen the answer to prayer. He is good in all things. He is very good! i'm still trying to find my way through this tunnel, but i know all through the way He is holding my hand and leading me all the way until i reach that light at the end. in all things, He is good and He fills my heart with all kinds of happy. whether it is joyous, painful, or difficult, is it happy. He is that happy.



these last few weeks i've become so moved with missions, helping the hurting, and spreading the love of our Lord abroad. i have a passion and a burden within my heart to do something for my God but i don't know what yet. i have a growing interest in helping and promoting International Justice Mission (IJM). i would love for my school campus to begin a chapter for IJM. human trafficking is such a terrible thing and should be brought into awareness. it is one of the most horrifying crimes occurring in the world. i cannot even begin to imagine the horror, the pain, the emptiness, and the suffering the women and young girls are coping with.
besides IJM, my heart is burdened for the people in Israel, Africa, and most anywhere. but i am also concerned for the souls of those around me, whether it is a student i come in contact with, a complete stranger, or a homeless person. my heart should be burdened not only outside the united states or my state, but also for those in my own backyard. we, as believers, are so apt to serve in other countries, but where is our heart for the people we live around? the love of Christ should never ignore our own neighbors and city. Jesus did not ask for us to carry His love and message far, but everywhere!

last weekend i was honored to meet my favorite recording artist; the lovely voice of the singer who warms my heart and fills it with inspiration, sara groves. what a lovely and sweet lady she is!
sara's music has ministered to my life in so many amazing and inspirational ways. her talent is unmatched and rare, as is her beautiful, rich voice. she fills her music with down-to-earth lyrics, and demonstrates her faith in Christ in every one of her songs. i discover something new and real every time i listen to her albums (which is practically nonstop all day, every day). it was such a joyous and happy moment to meet sara after seeing her in concert a few times. she was such a dear to sign all of my albums, and wrote such sweet things on them too. she is a beautiful person, and has a beautiful heart for God and His growing kingdom. i feel like kid in a candy store knowing and listening to sara's music. i am such a big and proud fan, and cannot imagine my life without the real and true talent of the most beautiful, inspirational, and unique artist i have ever heard, seen, and met. her style is genreless.

let His glory be done.

this semester i was introduced to the poetry and essays of Anne Bradstreet. how moving her work is, and how encouraging it has been to me at this time. i so need encouragement, and so need His glory to be done. and shown.

"For Deliverance from a Fever"

when sorrows had begirt me round,
and pains within and out,
when in my flesh no part was found,
then didst Thou rid me out.
my burning flesh in sweat did boil,
my aching head did break,
from side to side for ease i toil,
so faint i could not speak.
beclouded was my soul with fear
of Thy displeasure sore,
nor could i read my evidence
which oft i read before.
"hide not Thy face from!" i cried,
"from burnings keep my soul.
Thou know'st my heart, and hast me tried;
i on Thy mercies roll."
"O heal my soul," Thou know'st i said,
"though flesh consume to nought,
what though in dust it shall be laid,
to glory't shall be brought."
Thou heard'st, Thy rod Thou didst remove
and spared my body frail,
Thou show'st to me Thy tender love,
my heart no more might quail.
O, praises to my mighty God,
praise to my Lord, i say,
Who hath redeemed my soul from pit,
praises to Him for aye.

In Memory of my Dear Grandchild Anne Bradstreet, Who Deceased June 20, 1669, Being Three Years and Seven Months Old

with troubled heart and trembling hand i write,
the heavens have changed to sorrow my delight.
how oft with disappointment have i met,
when i on fading things my hopes have set.
experience might 'fore this have made me wise,
to value things according to their price.
was ever stable joy yet found below?
or perfect bliss without mixture of woe?
i knew she was but as a withering flower,
that's here today, perhaps, gone in an hour;
like as a bubble, or the brittle glass,
or like a shadow turning as it was.
more fool then i to look on that was lent
as if mine own, when thus impermanent.
farewell dear child, thou ne'er shall come to me,
but yet a while, and i shall go to thee;
meantime my throbbing heart's cheered up with this:
Thou with thy Savior art in endless bliss.

i'll try to take it easy like a duke ellington melody.

so, the fall semester is so close that i can feel the weight of the textbooks on my shoulders already. it's funny. there is always something so unassuming about the start of a fall semester until the syllabus is laid before my innocent and wide-open eyes. it is that moment that i realize what is actually in store for the next 3 months or so. i'm going to try my best this semester to not let the load that school causes me to carry to get me down. i'm going to take it easy. as easy as duke ellington melody. i will get by. as always, i'll survive. and i won't die from too much homework.



i'm a lover for fall semesters, which i guess goes with my complete, faithful, and unalterable love for autumn. i guess my love for autumn is due to my birthday being in november. there is nothing like beautiful, crunching, falling leaves that blow around my hair like the spirit of God moves around my soul. the season completes me. i have a love affair with the burnish color of leaves, the copper pumpkins aglow on porches, the coziness of flannel shirts on cool mornings, the smell of dew on the dead leaves, and the warm-fuzzies i feel from drinking cups tea and coffee on lazy saturdays. i have this vision of watching a movie on the lawn with my friends on a cold october night with the stars shining overhead, and the warmth of campfire near. that is something i want to do. perhaps i will.



as i mentioned in my previous post, i've been stuck on old things; things that make my heart sing. among those things, the music of duke ellington. his stuff is so fun, so easy-going, and such a remover of worries. apart from the vintage side of things, i have so many things dancing in my head. monday shall be an interesting day.



i have the most certain feeling that french is going to kill me this semester. not only has french been a complete nightmare since i started learning it last fall, but this fall just adds to the trauma of it. it is a 6 credit-hour course--double course! yikes! i cannot understand or believe that i am taking 16 hours this semester and that 6 of those hours are dedicated to a french class. i must be crazy, but when it's all over and i have hopefully passed it, i will never have to take another french class for the rest of my life. that will be a glorious day! but one of the most glorious days of my life will be stepping upon that platform and receiving that exciting piece of paper with my full name and the UM crest in gold. december 2011 come my way!

in an oldies state of mind.

again, old things have inspired me...and well, describe me. there is nothing i love more than a good old movie, old fun, exciting, and beautiful music, and old style. things of old are knit within the fragments of my heart. they feel like home there. vintage things fill my heart with little happies and place a smile on my face. i enjoy things from long ago, and well, some from not so long ago. i do not feel that i am a conformer to my own generation. i strive from the commonality; from the cliche. perhaps i'm here to be different in this trend-follower generation. what does it matter really? i enjoy being the person i am.



i'm hooked on oldies this week. i can't stop listening. no matter the decade, it does not matter. i listen. a part from music, i've been stuck on old films and vintage fashion. my hair needs a new me. some of these pictures have inspired my hair style ideas. there is a timelessness about old music, films, clothes, and on that will always remain in my heart.

inspirational & admiral women.

There are many women who are very inspirational in my life and I find interesting in some way. Some of them are actresses, singers, political figures, and some of them are among royalty. I have been influenced either by word, style, voice, or public realm, or all of the above. I admire these women.


Sara Groves is one lady whom not too many people in the world have ever heard of before. A former high school teacher of Minnesota who wrote songs and sang during college, became a part of the Christian music industry in 1999 with her first album Past the Wishing. If there is one voice in the world which I love and am the biggest fan of, it's Sara's. Her natural and unique voice my heart grasps with every note. Her song lyrics are more than words, but are like a book of poems which her heart has written. With nine albums underneath her belt and three Dove award nominations, she certainly has accomplished something. If I could pick one female singer in the world which has captured what it means to write music, it's she. Her unique and uncommon style is what sets her apart from the rest of the music world. I find it difficult to place her in a specific music genre. I say she has a genre all her own, and that's what makes her so special. Her heart and hunger for God is such an encouragement to me and her faith she shares with her listeners is a breath of fresh air. Her relationship with Christ is so evident and real through her music. She has ministered to people in Rwanda, helped with the Hurricane Katrina relief, helps the suffering all over the world, and is involved in many ministry projects such as Food for the Hungry and International Justice Mission. I love, love her voice and her music. Her albums never grow old, but always bring me something new to discover. Her newest album Fireflies and Songs has been at the tip of my ears since it came out last November. I will never stop listening to her music.
www.saragroves.com


Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is certainly a lady to be admired and respected. I believe is she one of the most influential women in history, although many people today view her as old-fashioned and too conservative. I envy England because of her. I do not think many of the English realize how fortunate and honored they are because of her reign as their queen. If the U.S. had a queen, may it be she, Her Majesty. I personally think she is one of the loveliest women of my time and believe she has such a grace to be admired. Although she is the Queen of England, that is not the only reason I admire her. She is a lady of wisdom and integrity, and has experienced so much during her time as Queen. Ever heard the expression "aging gracefully"? She is the epitome of that phrase. She is what every women should be--a lovely lady with poise, propriety, wisdom, integrity, character, class, and one who ages with grace and spunk. She is a lady who still has a sense of style too. Aging with grace at 84, she has got it all together. I say the Queen Mum is a beautiful lady inside and out, and should be completely admired and revered by all. I heart the English, and it is because of people like Her Majesty that I do. Reigning on the throne for 58 years (practically a life-time), let's give Her Majesty a big smile and curtsy. God save the Queen, indeed.




Meg Ryan has to be one of my favorite modern actresses. She is just adorable in You've Got Mail (hard to believe that the movie is now about 12 years old). She's just perfect for that role. I love her job & store, apartment, clothes, and hair in that movie, but interestingly enough her style in that movie is actually Meg Ryan and not just Kathleen Kelly. I recently looked at a home decorating magazine (Elle Decor, I believe), and there was an article about Meg's home in Massachusetts. The style was so Meg Ryan and was definitely my style too. I have been fascinated with Meg's hair for years now, and realized that my hair texture will never be like Meg's. She has donned so many cute cuts and styles, but most of them would never work on me. Oh well. Even though I do not particularly admire any modern actresses, I do admire Meg Ryan. I can't say that her personal life is anything to be admired, but I do think that Meg appears to be a seemingly humble and nice person. At least my aunt in L.A. said she was very friendly. I love Meg's style. It's inspirational.


I will add more in the future when I have more time and think of more. For the time being, I have only these three who range from quite different capacities in society, but bring me inspiration.