Monday, September 27, 2010

in one autumnal face...

my beloved season has almost arrived at its prime. autumn. the things i feel and see when i think on such a season. the loveliest colors which blend in and out through the foliage of the slowly decaying trees, the copper glow of candles in jack-Os, the beaming beauty of the late afternoon sunset, the shivers up my spine from the chill in the air, the wind that blows the strands of my hair, and the simple joy of the crunch and frost underfoot upon the dead leaves. those are some of the simplest and the loveliest beauties of autumn. what would i do without this season? i do not feel as though i am that kind of person who only delights in autumn because of any reason, but because it is a part of me. it is i in season form. perhaps because i was born into autumn. there is no such delight i feel as i feel during autumn. the weather makes my heart go pitter-patter. there is nothing so beautiful as i have seen in one autumnal face.

well, much has happened since my last post. i've seen my sweet Lord revive my heart from pain and have seen the answer to prayer. He is good in all things. He is very good! i'm still trying to find my way through this tunnel, but i know all through the way He is holding my hand and leading me all the way until i reach that light at the end. in all things, He is good and He fills my heart with all kinds of happy. whether it is joyous, painful, or difficult, is it happy. He is that happy.

these last few weeks i've become so moved with missions, helping the hurting, and spreading the love of our Lord abroad. i have a passion and a burden within my heart to do something for my God but i don't know what yet. i have a growing interest in helping and promoting International Justice Mission (IJM). i would love for my school campus to begin a chapter for IJM. human trafficking is such a terrible thing and should be brought into awareness. it is one of the most horrifying crimes occurring in the world. i cannot even begin to imagine the horror, the pain, the emptiness, and the suffering the women and young girls are coping with.
besides IJM, my heart is burdened for the people in Israel, Africa, and most anywhere. but i am also concerned for the souls of those around me, whether it is a student i come in contact with, a complete stranger, or a homeless person. my heart should be burdened not only outside the united states or my state, but also for those in my own backyard. we, as believers, are so apt to serve in other countries, but where is our heart for the people we live around? the love of Christ should never ignore our own neighbors and city. Jesus did not ask for us to carry His love and message far, but everywhere!

last weekend i was honored to meet my favorite recording artist; the lovely voice of the singer who warms my heart and fills it with inspiration, sara groves. what a lovely and sweet lady she is!
sara's music has ministered to my life in so many amazing and inspirational ways. her talent is unmatched and rare, as is her beautiful, rich voice. she fills her music with down-to-earth lyrics, and demonstrates her faith in Christ in every one of her songs. i discover something new and real every time i listen to her albums (which is practically nonstop all day, every day). it was such a joyous and happy moment to meet sara after seeing her in concert a few times. she was such a dear to sign all of my albums, and wrote such sweet things on them too. she is a beautiful person, and has a beautiful heart for God and His growing kingdom. i feel like kid in a candy store knowing and listening to sara's music. i am such a big and proud fan, and cannot imagine my life without the real and true talent of the most beautiful, inspirational, and unique artist i have ever heard, seen, and met. her style is genreless.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

let His glory be done.

this semester i was introduced to the poetry and essays of Anne Bradstreet. how moving her work is, and how encouraging it has been to me at this time. i so need encouragement, and so need His glory to be done. and shown.

"For Deliverance from a Fever"

when sorrows had begirt me round,
and pains within and out,
when in my flesh no part was found,
then didst Thou rid me out.
my burning flesh in sweat did boil,
my aching head did break,
from side to side for ease i toil,
so faint i could not speak.
beclouded was my soul with fear
of Thy displeasure sore,
nor could i read my evidence
which oft i read before.
"hide not Thy face from!" i cried,
"from burnings keep my soul.
Thou know'st my heart, and hast me tried;
i on Thy mercies roll."
"O heal my soul," Thou know'st i said,
"though flesh consume to nought,
what though in dust it shall be laid,
to glory't shall be brought."
Thou heard'st, Thy rod Thou didst remove
and spared my body frail,
Thou show'st to me Thy tender love,
my heart no more might quail.
O, praises to my mighty God,
praise to my Lord, i say,
Who hath redeemed my soul from pit,
praises to Him for aye.

In Memory of my Dear Grandchild Anne Bradstreet, Who Deceased June 20, 1669, Being Three Years and Seven Months Old

with troubled heart and trembling hand i write,
the heavens have changed to sorrow my delight.
how oft with disappointment have i met,
when i on fading things my hopes have set.
experience might 'fore this have made me wise,
to value things according to their price.
was ever stable joy yet found below?
or perfect bliss without mixture of woe?
i knew she was but as a withering flower,
that's here today, perhaps, gone in an hour;
like as a bubble, or the brittle glass,
or like a shadow turning as it was.
more fool then i to look on that was lent
as if mine own, when thus impermanent.
farewell dear child, thou ne'er shall come to me,
but yet a while, and i shall go to thee;
meantime my throbbing heart's cheered up with this:
Thou with thy Savior art in endless bliss.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

i'll try to take it easy like a duke ellington melody.

so, the fall semester is so close that i can feel the weight of the textbooks on my shoulders already. it's funny. there is always something so unassuming about the start of a fall semester until the syllabus is laid before my innocent and wide-open eyes. it is that moment that i realize what is actually in store for the next 3 months or so. i'm going to try my best this semester to not let the load that school causes me to carry to get me down. i'm going to take it easy. as easy as duke ellington melody. i will get by. as always, i'll survive. and i won't die from too much homework.

i'm a lover for fall semesters, which i guess goes with my complete, faithful, and unalterable love for autumn. i guess my love for autumn is due to my birthday being in november. there is nothing like beautiful, crunching, falling leaves that blow around my hair like the spirit of God moves around my soul. the season completes me. i have a love affair with the burnish color of leaves, the copper pumpkins aglow on porches, the coziness of flannel shirts on cool mornings, the smell of dew on the dead leaves, and the warm-fuzzies i feel from drinking cups tea and coffee on lazy saturdays. i have this vision of watching a movie on the lawn with my friends on a cold october night with the stars shining overhead, and the warmth of campfire near. that is something i want to do. perhaps i will.

as i mentioned in my previous post, i've been stuck on old things; things that make my heart sing. among those things, the music of duke ellington. his stuff is so fun, so easy-going, and such a remover of worries. apart from the vintage side of things, i have so many things dancing in my head. monday shall be an interesting day.

i have the most certain feeling that french is going to kill me this semester. not only has french been a complete nightmare since i started learning it last fall, but this fall just adds to the trauma of it. it is a 6 credit-hour course--double course! yikes! i cannot understand or believe that i am taking 16 hours this semester and that 6 of those hours are dedicated to a french class. i must be crazy, but when it's all over and i have hopefully passed it, i will never have to take another french class for the rest of my life. that will be a glorious day! but one of the most glorious days of my life will be stepping upon that platform and receiving that exciting piece of paper with my full name and the UM crest in gold. december 2011 come my way!

Friday, August 27, 2010

in an oldies state of mind.

again, old things have inspired me...and well, describe me. there is nothing i love more than a good old movie, old fun, exciting, and beautiful music, and old style. things of old are knit within the fragments of my heart. they feel like home there. vintage things fill my heart with little happies and place a smile on my face. i enjoy things from long ago, and well, some from not so long ago. i do not feel that i am a conformer to my own generation. i strive from the commonality; from the cliche. perhaps i'm here to be different in this trend-follower generation. what does it matter really? i enjoy being the person i am.

i'm hooked on oldies this week. i can't stop listening. no matter the decade, it does not matter. i listen. a part from music, i've been stuck on old films and vintage fashion. my hair needs a new me. some of these pictures have inspired my hair style ideas. there is a timelessness about old music, films, clothes, and on that will always remain in my heart.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

inspirational & admiral women.

There are many women who are very inspirational in my life and I find interesting in some way. Some of them are actresses, singers, political figures, and some of them are among royalty. I have been influenced either by word, style, voice, or public realm, or all of the above. I admire these women.

Sara Groves is one lady whom not too many people in the world have ever heard of before. A former high school teacher of Minnesota who wrote songs and sang during college, became a part of the Christian music industry in 1999 with her first album Past the Wishing. If there is one voice in the world which I love and am the biggest fan of, it's Sara's. Her natural and unique voice my heart grasps with every note. Her song lyrics are more than words, but are like a book of poems which her heart has written. With nine albums underneath her belt and three Dove award nominations, she certainly has accomplished something. If I could pick one female singer in the world which has captured what it means to write music, it's she. Her unique and uncommon style is what sets her apart from the rest of the music world. I find it difficult to place her in a specific music genre. I say she has a genre all her own, and that's what makes her so special. Her heart and hunger for God is such an encouragement to me and her faith she shares with her listeners is a breath of fresh air. Her relationship with Christ is so evident and real through her music. She has ministered to people in Rwanda, helped with the Hurricane Katrina relief, helps the suffering all over the world, and is involved in many ministry projects such as Food for the Hungry and International Justice Mission. I love, love her voice and her music. Her albums never grow old, but always bring me something new to discover. Her newest album Fireflies and Songs has been at the tip of my ears since it came out last November. I will never stop listening to her music.

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is certainly a lady to be admired and respected. I believe is she one of the most influential women in history, although many people today view her as old-fashioned and too conservative. I envy England because of her. I do not think many of the English realize how fortunate and honored they are because of her reign as their queen. If the U.S. had a queen, may it be she, Her Majesty. I personally think she is one of the loveliest women of my time and believe she has such a grace to be admired. Although she is the Queen of England, that is not the only reason I admire her. She is a lady of wisdom and integrity, and has experienced so much during her time as Queen. Ever heard the expression "aging gracefully"? She is the epitome of that phrase. She is what every women should be--a lovely lady with poise, propriety, wisdom, integrity, character, class, and one who ages with grace and spunk. She is a lady who still has a sense of style too. Aging with grace at 84, she has got it all together. I say the Queen Mum is a beautiful lady inside and out, and should be completely admired and revered by all. I heart the English, and it is because of people like Her Majesty that I do. Reigning on the throne for 58 years (practically a life-time), let's give Her Majesty a big smile and curtsy. God save the Queen, indeed.

Meg Ryan has to be one of my favorite modern actresses. She is just adorable in You've Got Mail (hard to believe that the movie is now about 12 years old). She's just perfect for that role. I love her job & store, apartment, clothes, and hair in that movie, but interestingly enough her style in that movie is actually Meg Ryan and not just Kathleen Kelly. I recently looked at a home decorating magazine (Elle Decor, I believe), and there was an article about Meg's home in Massachusetts. The style was so Meg Ryan and was definitely my style too. I have been fascinated with Meg's hair for years now, and realized that my hair texture will never be like Meg's. She has donned so many cute cuts and styles, but most of them would never work on me. Oh well. Even though I do not particularly admire any modern actresses, I do admire Meg Ryan. I can't say that her personal life is anything to be admired, but I do think that Meg appears to be a seemingly humble and nice person. At least my aunt in L.A. said she was very friendly. I love Meg's style. It's inspirational.

I will add more in the future when I have more time and think of more. For the time being, I have only these three who range from quite different capacities in society, but bring me inspiration.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

we have tunafish.

I was not cut out for this generation. I do not desire to be a part of the workforce nor the school world. Here I am almost a senior in college, and I would quit school altogether if I had grounds for doing so. And I wonder, do I really? I have recently become fed up with college. I have no ambition, no inspiration, no reason, or joy in proceeding forth in the process. From the time I was a little girl, I had no great ambitions or great ideals for my future. I have never seen myself any place except in "motherland." Why I am in college, do not even ask.

We live in a world where the words "housewife" and "homemaker" are considered archaic and something only grandmothers are familiar with. Homemakers are scrutinized and mocked these days. Profanity is even used on vintage images of housewives to advertise that homemaking is just something to make fun of and is just for wimps and brainless women. Visions of women donning freshly pressed aprons in their kitchens baking are replaced with women wearing power suits sitting in dull, cold offices taking orders from men. Women today have traded in their cutting boards for a motherboard. Where has our world gone wrong?

I would say our world has crossed the line, and should be sorry for it. People talk about homemaking today as though it should be something to be ashamed of and replaced. Our world talks about moving forward and always will, but for what? What does it mean to move away from wives world? What will happen to household etiquette? What will our future ladies teach our future daughters when all of the home economics skills have been cast aside? Our colleges have already replaced the home economics department with family consumer sciences, which is not exactly the same thing. Our country has done away with finishing schools and I have to wonder why.

There is hardly a single girl left in this world who desires to be a housewife. Our culture has crammed college ideals down girls throats with the impression that working in the world is all there is to offer. But I ask, "What ever happened to June Cleaver?" Sure, people make fun of her and Leave it to Beaver, but I don't care. That happens to be one of my favorite shows, and I rather like June's way of running a house. In fact I recently told a friend, "I just want to be June Cleaver." In the movie Mona Lisa Smile, Julia Stiles tells Julia Roberts "To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want."

These were the days when the reality of cooking was actually an art, and not a recreational activity. I'm tired of our society's view of running a house. They consider a complete meal to be a frozen dinner thrown into the microwave and a school lunch to be Lunchables with GoGurt and Hi-C. The focus today is on quick, fast, and time saving. Quantity of food is now more important than the quality, and easy is now more important than taste. As long as you can slip it into a microwave, toaster, or plastic bag, then it is the way to go. After all, it saves the Dr. Mrs. Jones 15 minutes each day if she can 1) remove from the freezer, 2) tear the open here tab , and 3) slip into microwave. "Stouffers. Let's fix dinner." Notice any irony in that phrase?

I'm sorry, but I will be a June Cleaver while all the rest of the women are Desperate Housewives. Many girls have dream jobs, and mine just happens to be homemaking. The ironic factor that I have to mention is that while the world scrutinizes housewives, they're forgetting major considerations--it takes talent, practice, brains, and strength. Cooking is not something that happens to you overnight. Any mother, like my mother, could tell you that. Many of the people who slander homemaking have never even picked up a measuring cup before and they call it a job for sissies. Think again, rather? Our grandmothers didn't learn how to feed their families by sitting in a corner knitting. They mastered the art of cooking because they stood in the kitchen for hours. They weren't concerned about how fast something took so mommy had time to run to the gym on the way home from the office, or if it was an organic product from Whole Foods because that is the current trend. These ladies were frugal and took pride in their cooking.

While I do not want to work in the real world (I know that makes me sound like a lunatic in this culture), I do not harbor hard feelings against the women that do. If you're single, that's one thing. But if you're a mother, why are you working? Yes, I understand single mothers. But the women who have a complete family are the ones I sit there and think, "Your husband is able bodied, so why are you both working?" Is because you have to live in the latest suburbs and have that massive SUV just so you can say you're keeping up with the Jones? I sure hope not. I can hope that it merely means that you just like working and want to do both. I can understand a mother wanting to work, but before you step out into the working world, do not take for granted that you chose to have a family.

I just want to turn my head the other way when I see power suit clothed mothers strolling down the aisles of Publix, with a cellphone in one hand plugged to one ear, and the other hand struggling to steer a grocery cart with her day care children hanging on for dear life. I will never place my children in a daycare, and my mother never did either. That is unthinkable in my logic. I adore the idea of playing and reading with my children, and nurturing them at home. My decisions about homeschooling my children, like I was, are definitely considered. I believe that I it is more beneficial for children than most people realize. I do not think I will home school them through high school though. I want them to experience what real school is like before they go to college, as I did.

I want to live a life that consists of living in a house that I have put hours into making our home, mornings at the park with my children, and me realizing that this is the life I always wanted. My home won't be all perfect, but will have perfect imperfections, like a squeaky screen door and sections of creaky wood floors here and there, just because. I want my children to discover what childhood means, and that they will never have to go to a day care where germs are spread faster than cracker crumbs at snack time. I want to do the things my mother has always done. I want to make cups of tea for my daughters and friends when they come for visits. I want my guests to realize that my home isn't made up of perfections, but of a mother's touch. I want to my daughters to come begging me to play with their dolls, and to order a plate of plastic food in their restaurant. I hope to be a mother who cares enough to stop what she's doing to spend a little "kid" time with my children because they admire what I do for them. I will play action figures and matchbox cars. I will play whatever my children ask. I want to have sewing, knitting, quilting, and needlework circles who chat about their homes and sip coffee and tea. I want to be able to make meals that I place sincere thought into that display how much I love what I do.

I do not understand why I continue on with college. I dislike being forced to read things I completely have a problem with. I love children's literature more than adult and find the process of studying for hours on end to be a cruel punishment. I will never remember and care if I know how to say I'm tired in French, or what the square root of 567 times 80,790 is, or what does this simile in Hamlet imply, or why is Virginia Woolf considered to be a modernist. These are things that I will never use again, except for maybe the French if I ever travel to the French Riviera...cough, cough...right! I am going through all of this to attain a B.A. in English, and for what? I can only pray and have faith that God will bring these hopes of homemaking into reality and that I will never have to worry about working among the frenzy of people. College degrees are quite an accomplishment, but it is sad to think that I will do all this work to never really do anything with the degree.

Homemaking isn't an easy task. It takes a lot of strength and diligence, and I admire our mothers and grandmothers for it. These women should be praised and not ignored. Why is it that a madwomen in the workforce is rather praised than a housewife who actually takes pride in her family and home? Is it because women today are afraid of being called old-fashioned? I say, more power to me if they mark my views of life as archaic. What do I care? It's life I have always admired and have always seen myself a part of. I am taking my Singer under my belt and darn it, I'm bringing back homemaking all the way! I want to be a June, a mother who says, "we have tunafish."

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

oldies for goodies sake!

I am an old movie (black and white preferably) fanatic. I love discovering old films I have never watched before that most people have probably never heard of or seen. Every time I visit my cousin we end up watching a fabulous black and white. I just returned from a visit this past weekend, and we watched My Man Godfrey. It was one of the cutest movies I have seen in a while. I have about exhausted all of my old favorites that I own, and would love to keep adding to my beloved collection. This must go into my collection. The visit before that we watched Vivacious Lady--another great film. And this had my favorite actor too--Jimmy Stewart! Here are a few of my favorite films, along with those mentioned above, that may or may not be familiar, but I think are just fantastic!

My Man Godfrey
I love this movie! It's so funny!

Vivacious Lady
A wonderful movie starring James Stewart and Ginger Rogers.

Dear Ruth

This is one of the cutest movies I have ever seen, and it is so difficult to find on DVD or VHS. I first saw this movie about 10 years ago or so. It stars William Holden.
Love it!

The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer

I love this movie! It is so funny! Three of my favorite movie stars all in the same film. Shirley Temple is all grown up!

It Happened One Night

This is a more known movie, but I had to include it since it's one of my favorites and it is a very old movie. Very funny.

Shop Around the Corner

Love this has Jimmy Stewart! He's brilliant in all of his movies!

The Philadelphia Story

It has three of my favorites in it, and of course that includes Jimmy Stewart and Carey Grant! Many people do not like Katharine Hepburn, but I am actually a fan of her.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Love, love, love this movie! Being a huge Stewart fan, this automatically fell into my list of favorites. And I just love Jean Arthur...she's so funny and cute! (You Can't Take it With You is another great one and includes both of them).

Arsenic and Old Lace

I watch this movie every Halloween night. It's such a great movie! I love Peter Lorre in this film.

14 Hours

Grace Kelly's first movie, and I love it! Her role is minor and short, but does it beautifully. I am certain many people would find this movie boring, but I love it not just because Grace is in it, but because I think it is very intriguing.

Sunset Boulevard

Probably a more famous movie among this list, but I know that there are plenty of people who have never seen this movie. Many people, I'm sure, would think this is a rather strange and depressing movie, but I love it and love William Holden's humor.


Another James Stewart and of course, I love it! I'm a huge Alfred Hitchcock fan, and think the plot is brilliant.

The Lady Vanishes
Love this movie's plot and the fact that it is an old Alfred Hitchcock.