in the summertime.

My official summer break made its arrival a few days ago, and I couldn't be happier. Since the spring semester ended, I continued my time behind the four walls further known as a "class room" for the months of May and June. Three classes later, I have completed a Shakespeare class (I didn't want to have to write that), a creative writing class, and an art history class exploring landscape and land art. All to say, my feet are more than ready to trek the life fantastic after those two months.



So far, I've gone hiking in 98 degree heat with friends when the air quality was at its worst during that week. We survived this outing even though we nearly melted our faces off, and wished we had been near even a mere trifle of a waterfall. I suppose we couldn't have a glorious view of the Magic City and have a gushing flow of water atop "Mount Everest." I believe we all agreed that the next time we go hiking at this place it will not be when it's almost 100 degrees. Is it evident that much that I love autumn and winter more? Thankfully the trails were fairly shady. My friend and I have plans of many other excursions, and I'm more than excited about these travel aspirations.



I have been trying to get myself in shape again for more 5K's. I ran my last one in April after several weeks of running (getting myself in the groove again), and then did not run at all for almost two months. So, my feet have been hitting the path again in hopes of gaining some progress in my distance and speed.



This summer I'd like to:

take a trip to Nashville for the Sara Groves concert.
visit various places for hiking, swimming, rafting, and photographing.
run in at least one race.
make more art.
write more.
read what I want.
go for a picnic.
practice piano.
have tea with friends.
catch lightning bugs and set them free.
go on an annual summer visit to 'Mr. Vulcan.'
and anything else that strikes my fancy...

I Lift My Lamp Beside the Golden Door

There is something remarkable about the colors
that are flown from house fronts and describe
who we are as individuals. What do these
hues of sacrifice in stripes and stars mean
to you, me, them, or anyone? It is an unmatched
mark and a pride of patriotism carried out
to the end of time, for generations to come.

Freedom means someone before me, beside me,
and in front of me knows that a price must be paid
for the perseverance of liberty. We have rights
that represent our freedoms and shine through
our fields of glory. From our borders, to our fifty states, the soil of our nation has been enriched by the hands of the huddled masses.

Every 4th day of July we contemplate what it means
to have independence. What tangible principle can we
hold unto in our hardened hearts and greedy hands?
Have we strayed too far from the spirit and truth
of what it means to be a citizen of this country?
Are we too far gone from the burning lamp
that the men before us set as our cornerstone?

We have lost sight of what it means to live here;
our bitterness and our discomforts have replaced
our hearts of patriotism. We scorn our opposing
politicians, and laugh when they struggle; where are
our hands when they need our help? We substitute
respect for mockery and impropriety, and question
why our country is at odds with its people.



Consider the men who sacrifice so much for us.
They are protecting our freedom, our liberty,
and our stars of white and stripes of red. I see
a man without an arm, a man with no legs, a
field of crosses inscribed with the names who left
their hearts in our soil, and I see the many men
who raised our flag of pride on that foreign shore.

It is an honor to proclaim that this is my birth land;
to understand what it means to carry red, white,
and blue in my heart; to believe what our men do
is an example of our brotherhood; to know how it feels
to stand before Lincoln in all his magnificence
and comprehend the truth “and that government
for the people, by the people, shall not perish from this earth.”

When my feet trod the paths from the east to the west, and from the north to the south, my eyes see things that inhabitants of this country appreciate, identify, and understand. From the faces of Rushmore, to the green of Mount Vernon, to Liberty’s torch, and to the sound of the waves rushing in the Atlantic, images of this free land are ever-fixed on the hearts of every man, woman, boy, and girl. What simple pleasure to hear the clinks coins make, and read “In God we trust.”

What does it mean to be an American?

(written in June 2011.)

He died unflinchingly and lovingly.

This is Holy Week; a week set aside before Easter to acknowledge and meditate on what Jesus did on the cross and why. This week is about remembrance and reverence for my life in Christ and the unconditional grace and love He has given me in full without any merit on my part.



I live because He died unflinchingly and lovingly for me. He never pulled away when I beat and scourged Him. He never refused to carry the weighty cross in my place. He muttered not a word. He never rejected His Father's will to crush His only Son. He never rebuked the crown of thorns I forced on His sacred head. He never forsook me in His grace. He never stopped me from piercing His side. He let me drive the nails into His hands and feet. He loved me even when I laughed in His stricken and smitten face. He forgave me for the insults I shouted at Him. He looked beyond my faults, and saw that I knew not what I was doing. He died for me because He was my only hope for my wretched soul. My Lord never said a mumbling word, except "it is finished."




"Who has believed our message? And to whom as the arm of the LORD been revealed? He grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that is before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people? And they made his grave with the wicked and with a rich man in his death, although he had done no violence and there was no deceit in his mouth. Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief; when he makes an offering for sin, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand." - Isaiah 53:1-10

i find His glory even within the walls of darkness.

Many times I write my titles before I write anything else. Somehow tonight I cannot think of a single title alone that describes what I feel right now and what I am longing to express. My heart is so full of the Lord's grace and my mind is filled with thoughts buzzing to and fro, and never exactly landing anywhere.



It is interesting. I started this blog two years ago with the intent of solely writing about my life--my true and real spiritual life. Then some time after I started this blog, I traversed to other topics which really had nothing to do with my life, and had absolutely nothing to do with my faith. Now these last few months, I have returned to my original intention.



I don't really know when I first began writing, writing that raw and true kind of writing. For a couple of years, I have contemplated why I write anything. I am that kind of person and writer who starts out with good intentions of writing a new post on this blog, and then a few lines down, decides that I don't want to be that honest with the world, or don't like anything I've written. With my being an English major, anybody would more than likely assume that I write with no strings attached, and never find fault in my writing. The truth is, I have a hard time pulling the veil away from my paper and pen, and letting in the world to see the small and weak sketchings of my heart that I've struggled to place on the paper. I find fault in my writing everyday. I never feel as though that anything I write is exactly what I wanted to say. I don't know if what I write is right, wrong, or inaccurate. I don't know if it makes a bit of difference on anyone besides myself, but that's ok. Writing, for me, is not about pleasing the world, but about pleasing myself and more importantly, the Lord.



I wish there was something I could truly and honestly say that would immediately change the hearts of those who need the grace of God. One of the toughest places to be as a believer is a classroom. When I'm there, it is like being between a rock and hard place. Sitting there behind those four walls, I look around and wonder how many know the real God that we're reading about in our literature books, and that He is not just a legacy or an old wise-tale. I find it sad to read about the Lord of my life in a poem or prose, and have a lengthy discussion on it in class, and see how blinded the eyes of some of the people are by the opinions they express. All I can think is, His glory will shine through it all, and maybe by His glory their hearts will be transformed. I pity those who cannot see beyond the veil of darkness and know not Who God truly is and how much life, joy, and grace He offers to His children. When I look into their eyes and empty hearts, I find humility in my own heart and thank the Lord that I know Him. This has been so hard for me lately. I only hope that their hearts will be opened wide open by the words that proceed from my mouth. It is difficult to place myself in their shoes and try to think, see, and feel the way they do about God and Christianity. It is a comfort to read poetry for a class that clearly expresses the Truth of God and His sacrifice, and declares that all things are for His glory, knowing that there are some who need the love of God in their lives. At the end of things, I find His glory even within the walls of darkness.

Brother, he’s suffered like a tree taken down
Wept as he witnessed his dreams carved out
And how can a man just keep walking around
With his heart full of holes

But ooh,
His bow is on the strings
And the tune resonates in the open space
To show us how emptiness sings:

Glory to God, Glory to God!
In fullness of wisdom,
He writes my story into his song,
My life for the glory of God.
Hmm, hmmm

Sister carries her loneliness
In a hidden hollow inside her chest
And sometimes all that she wants is an end
To the long, long night

But ooh,
Her bow is on the strings,
And the tune resonates in the open space
To show us how emptiness sings:

Glory to God, Glory to God!
In fullness of wisdom,
He writes my story into his song,
My life for the glory of God.
Hmm, hmmm

I haven’t been asked yet to walk the hard roads
Still there’s a sense of deep loss in my soul
In the middle of a party, I’ll just want to go
Home.

But ooh,
My bow is on the strings,
I’m beginning to learn where to find the words
To the song that emptiness sings
Ooh, bow is on the strings:

Glory to God! Glory to God!
This is how emptiness sings, oh,
This is how emptiness sings
Hmmm, hmmm

- Christa Wells



"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness! Why should the nations say, 'Where is their God?' Our God is in the heavens; he does all the he pleases." - Psalm 115:1-3

His grace is my survival.

there is nothing I do that is good in His sight.
all I ever do is run from His glorious light.
every effort I make fails miserably in my face.
the Lord needs not my help; it's only His grace.



Spring break is practically at a close, and how that nearly depresses me. I'm dreading the return to school, and all the shots it throws at me when I'm there. Somehow I'll get by in the these last 6-7 weeks remaining. His grace will be my survival. I am just so ready for this semester to end, so I can move on to summer classes and know that I'll only be 12 hours away from finishing school forever. I'm ready to step upon that platform and receive my bachelor or arts with pride, honor, and a smile, knowing that I finished well.



My only comfort lately is knowing that faith outlives and outshines doubt and His grace and glory are all I need to know and understand. I'm not promised all things perfect. I'm not promised prosperity, but only His glory. I don't deserve His grace and good, but at the end of the day, I see grace and goodness in all things, and how it has been bestowed on me without end and measure.


"I do not nullify the grace of God, for if justification were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose." - Galatians 2:21

it's always His glory. nothing less. nothing more.

As believers of our Jesus Christ, we tend to have the mindset that as God's children nothing will ever be unsettled in our lives and we'll never face trouble with the greatest enemy. How wrong that mindset completely is. As believers we should have the mindset that trouble will and does come our way, and that the greatest enemy is always lurking at our shoulder waiting to get his foot in our door.

As Christians, our lives are even tougher than an unbeliever's. Why? It's because the Lord abides in us and we must be accountable to Him as He is accountable to us. We have to rely on Him and not ourselves. And now we face an ongoing battle everyday with "self" and "flesh" and with the one enemy who wants nothing more than to destroy our lives. When we become children of God, Christ doesn't just redeem us and pour His grace on us, He abides in us like a lodger takes up residence in a house, and every time we do something wrong, that is harming Christ's residence. We defile His lodging. As His children, we should be blameless, holy, and righteous, and when we sin, we are trashing ourselves. I think of the passage in Matthew 21:13 "'It is written, My house shall be called a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves.'" We take up residence in His house, and cheapen it when we stray from the truth and live for self, which is so far from what a Christian is. Our walk with God is not an easy walk, but when you're walking with God, it is defeat on yourself and the enemy.

Christians have a hard time explaining pain. Sadness. Loss. Hardship. We tend to view it with hatred and rebuke. We look at Christ and feel sorry for ourselves as though He deserves us something. But the truth is, we deserve death. Hell. We should be grateful and humble to see that it is only by His supreme grace that we're alive and are His children. I don't think many Christians understand pain. In fact, it looks so unhappy, yet there is a happy in it. It's God's happy. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." - James 1:2 He isn't hurting us for the sake of hurting us, He's molding us for His good.Hebrews 12:10-11: "but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Unbelievers have the wrath of God on them, but believers have the mighty hands of God on them. He never promised us it would be easy, He just promised that He's be there. Hebrews 12:5-6 says,"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." He'll never stop molding us and using us. My opinion, there is different kinds of happy in every place our lives. It may feel like the worst thing to ever enter our lives, but there is a happy somewhere in it. The ugly always has a smiling face behind it. We tend to sit back and question God "Why, Lord?" But the answer is and always will be, it's all for His glory. Everything God does in our lives is not for our good solely, but for His glory alone. This world and our lives are not about us; it's about Him and His amazing glory and grace. The painful is all about His glory, our character and spiritual well-being, and His grace. This may seem unkind or like a ridiculous thought to hold onto, but there is happy in everything because nothing that enters our lives is by accident. It's His will and more importantly, His glory. "In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy." - 2 Corinthians 7:4

goodwill toward men...

well, i've been writing this same post since...well, about a week or so ago. and i've had to change the tenses three times. blogging...oh, blogging. why do i do this to myself? i suppose out of some mere and bizarre enjoyment.



during the christmas season, i wanted to embrace the days differently than i ever have. i was tired of the cliche. i wanted to break away from the mold that everyone around me has seemed to fill. give me something new. something real and tangible. all i wanted to see is the beauty and truth of the story in every crevice and corner, knowing it is the only thing that matters in the midst of this chaos we create for ourselves. at that time of the year, we look and ask for peace, yet, all along, peace is at our disposal and our reach. it is here all year. peace isn't something that comes once a year, and then is tossed aside once that new year enters our lives. with His peace, we face every day of our lives. i face mine. He is our peace. He is all the peace i need. that baby in the manger came not to give peace, but that He might be our peace. "peace on earth, goodwill toward men, from all heaven's gracious King..."



a christmas has come and gone, and all that is left is a memory of an assuming glorious day, an echo of angels' voices lowering their song to the king, and a hope of Who was born on such a peaceful day. what do i have to offer Him? i come with empty hands and a heavy heart filled with hope, and offer myself. i am not good, noble, or holy, but i am His, and He takes me as i am.

well, 2011...here it is. all new and ready for me to get my hands on! with every new year, comes new possibilities. i'm ready, 2011!