when life had begun, i was woven and spun.

i should be offended, broken, & hurt right now, but i am not. i know i feel somewhat disappointed but somehow i have managed to look up and realized that God knows what is happening to me. He understands my doubt and my heart. somehow in the midst of my pain and confusion, i have decided to bless instead of curse. trust instead of doubt. love instead of hate. humbly come instead of fall in my pride. & pray instead of worry. i believe charles spurgeon wrote it best; "in our hours of bodily pain & mental anguish, we find ourselves as naturally driven to prayer as the wreck is driven upon the shore by the waves. faith, then, we choose, rather than doubt, as the mainspring of our life." in my peril i look to the Lord my Savior and Friend Jesus Christ and trust Him wholly, knowing that there is none else i can turn to and talk to so deeply and closely. prayer is the food that is needful for me, and how much i fail to understand that. Christ has taken hold of my heart and caused me to remember that there is no reason for me to be angry or disappointed by anything that has caused me heartache. blessed should i be when i face troubles, because thine is His glory! ranier maria rilke once wrote, "she who reconciles the ill-matched threads of her life, and weaves them gratefully into a single cloth- it's she who drives the loudmouths from the hall and clears it for a different celebration where the One guest is You." from the moment my life began, the Lord was weaving my "cloth" into who I am, creating a unique masterpiece. that reminds me much of corrie ten boom's example of the tapestry. on the outside i looked like a beautiful and perfect tapestry, but underneath, deep inside, i was a complete tangled mess of threads until Christ took me and untangled the threads of my life and made me beautiful inside. He made me into His tapestry. "so i put aside the masquerade and admit that i am not okay, which may not be the thing to say, but i'm not ashamed to need You more each day." - nichole nordeman

"when anger fills your heart,when in your pain and hurt, you find the strength to stop, you bless instead of curse.when doubting floods your soul, though all things feel unjust,you open up your heart,you find a way to trust." - sara groves

earl grey and my nearest thoughts..

As I sit here sipping my tea, I can think of only one thing that comes to my mind--last weekend. Good came out of bad. My heart was stirred. My thoughts were changed. My feelings were encouraged and brightened. Although things turned somewhat sour towards the end, God took things and turned them around, and He used them for His glory and singly used them in my life to change my heart. As of a result, I felt a closeness to Christ as I sat there under the sky proclaiming His handiwork and greatness. "The heavens declare the glory of God, and stars proclaim his handiwork."- Pslam 19